A survey has revealed mums are a lot more relaxed with their second baby, than they were with their first.
Really? You don’t say.
Yeah, I know. This is the equivalent to discovering people eat more ice-cream in the summer.
But then, think of the differences between the way you treat your children, depending on the order in which they were born.
And the effect that could have on their personality.
I’ve always been one to dismiss articles which claim a first-born has a certain personality, compared to a middle child or youngest. How could that be? It seemed a bit of a cliche.
But as a mum, I’m starting to see that parenting is subconsciously quite different depending on birth order, and could have a knock-on effect on the child.
Before you start panicking, I’m not suggesting we love our kids any differently. But it’s the relaxed bit, the extra confidence that makes us do things differently, the more children we have.
I was only just thinking of this last week, when the playgroup teacher remarked how different my boys are.
She should know. She’s seen both of my boys join from two and a half and stay for more than a year.
I had to agree. As a second child, Blake is more stubborn, more independent, less emotional and less of a fussy eater.
But that is probably because I did the typical first-mum thing with Brodie. I obsessed over giving him the textbook healthy diet, worried whether he was getting enough milk, food, sleep, etc. And I bent over backwards to entertain him and give him everything he needed – setting aside any needs of my own.
And it would seem my gorgeous eldest picked up on the undivided attention. He’s now a drama queen who regularly wails “You don’t love me†when he doesn’t get what he wants, and tries to get attention by refusing to eat certain foods.
When he reached the terrible twos, we got trouble big time. We were lucky it lasted less than six months. But seriously, he could turn from an angelic toddler into a devil with his eyes flashing red (or it seemed like that) as he screamed, punched and kicked. People would stop and stare at the sheer force and power of his fury.
My littlest is now three – and we’ve had nothing. Granted, he cries when he’s tired, and fights with his brother a bit. But there’s no noticeable change in him. He eats anything, and knows how to fight for what he wants.
Is it because we’re less fearful second time around? Because we don’t take much notice of tantrums? Because we don’t fret over his eating, sleeping, socialising?
Maybe there’s something in this theory of birth order.
And this latest study, by nursery brand Munchkin, seems to confirm second babies don’t get the same parenting style as their older siblings.
Second children can be left to cry for longer and will go onto solid foods at an earlier age. They are also more likely to be left to manage their own food, and will be picked up less when they are hurt.
A third of the 3,000 mums with two or more children who were polled, said they feel more comfortable leaving their child to entertain themselves while they get on with the housework. A quarter don’t make their second baby special meals after weaning, and simply blend whatever the family is having. And it’s likely they’ve weaned them at four months, rather than six.
Second children are even encouraged to develop more quickly. They will be allowed sweets and chocolate at a younger age, and can watch ‘older television’ at an earlier age.
But before you scoff and deny treating your kids any differently, have you done any of these 20 things with your second child – when you absolutely didn’t do it with your first.
This is what the survey discovered (and more than a handful are true for how I’ve treated my youngest)
1. Leave to entertain themselves with toys while you get on with the housework
2. Only changed a nappy when necessary rather than after every feed
3. Stopped making the baby their own special food
4. Started weaning at four months, rather than six
5. Leave the baby to cry for longer
6. Put in second hand clothes
7. Spend less money on toys and treats
8. Only had baby in parents’ room for the first few weeks
9. Let them watch ‘older television’ at a younger age
10. Not worried about safety and buying home safety products
11. Happier to buy second hand safety products – gates, bed rails, monitors
12. Leave them to manage with their own food
13. Sterilise less or not at all
14. Pick up less when they hurt themselves
15. Give sweets or chocolate at an earlier age
16. Trust with a knife and fork at an earlier age
17. Spend less on safety products
18. Go back to work sooner
19. Expect them to develop quicker
20. Put them into childcare earlier
Parenting expert Michael Grose, who wrote the book Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It, reckons eldest siblings usually have a higher IQ because they spent more time around adults growing up.
They are also more likely to take managerial positions.
When younger kids become successful, it is usually in different fields to the rest of the family.
The first born tends to be the problem solver, strong-willed, determined, a good listener, controlling, jealous and moralistic. There have been more first born US Presidents and Nobel Prize Winners than any other birth ranking. Famous first borns include Bill and Hillary Clinton, Sean Connery, Joan Collins and JK Rowling.
The later born child always has someone ahead of them to compete against. Their parents are more relaxed and less strict. They try to establish a place for themselves separate from their older siblings, and so tend to be more creative. The later born child can be rebellious, but pleasant, agreeable and easygoing. They’re likely to be good at sports and art. Famous later borns include Charlie Chaplin, Bob Hope, George Michael and Stella McCartney.
Posted by Donna
What do you think about the birth order theory?
Are you defined by your position among your siblings?
Do you find your parenting styles differ from when you were a first-time mum?
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